Suggested Re-Write: "The Jet Set Life of Count Dracula's Favorite Minion--For Now"

One Sunday last spring, Brad Kroenig showed up at a private airport near Paris to meet Count Dracula, the esteemed Transylvanian bloodsucker and bon vivant. "The Count will be here 1, 1:30 a.m. for takeoff,” announced a Frenchman in a black suit and tie. “O.K., cool,” Brad said. The man in the suit performed something like a bow and retreated. It was 12:45. Brad sank into an armchair by the window and surveyed the tarmac. He pointed out a large gray hawk of a plane that stood off to the side of the slighter, dovelike jets. “It’s the same one that Oprah has,” Brad said. “It’s the biggest one. It flies, like, the longest journey. A lot of private planes have to stop for gas.”

Brad knows what kind of plane The Count travels on because he has flown on it often. As the most senior and prominent member of a group of male models often referred to as Dracula's Minions, Brad accompanies him on yearly "feeding trips" to Barrow Alaska and and to parties worldwide. He has been photographed with Dracula so often that gossip blogs have mistakenly identified him as the vampire's chief minion, but their relationship is not romantic. Dracula refers to Brad and the other models that travel with him as his family, albeit a self-selected, genetically pure one. “I hate ugly people,” The Count told me. “Their blood tastes terrible.” [...]

Inspired by this odious look at the vastly rich and vacuous: "The Jet Set Life of Karl Lagerfeld's Favorite Male Model-For Now," NYT Magazine, Jan. 16, 2015.

Bradley Cooper With Dreadlocks

Why, Bradley Cooper?

I am not attracted to men but I acknowledge Bradley Cooper is a very handsome gentleman.

However, Bradley Cooper in dreadlocks in the new movie Hit & Run is the worst thing I have ever seen. It is horrifying. He looks vaguely like a former friend of mine who was notorious among our group of friends for making terrible style choices that he thought were wondrous fair. My former friend's style choices often involved doing horrifying things to his hair.

What are you doing, Bradley bro? What are you doing? You make me sad, son.