Stoicism

This seems silly as hell on some level but I've been reading up on the philosophy of stoicism.

Stoicism isn't what most people think--it's not about merely enduring adversity with stony resolve. On a practical level it's about understanding what we can and cannot control and adjusting accordingly. There's this lovely practicality to it that soothes my anxiety-ridden nature.

Seeking to understand a new philosophy at 50 is the part that feels so silly, I guess. Yet there is a simplicity about stoicism that doesn't task my supposedly aging brain. And it isn't about enduring hardship but about  finding contentment in the middle of the storms life sends your way.

I need that sort of input. It's pretty fucking cool.

I hate being happy

Hands up if you're the kind of person who tends to actively sabotage your own happiness. That's me. It's not intentional at all--though who would intentionally sabotage themselves?

I do this to forestall everything that can go wrong. You know, if you anticipate disaster then you aren't surprised when it happens.

At the same time it ends up something like a request for bad results. A self-fulfilling prophecy.

I turn 51 in November. Maybe this is the year I fix this shit. Maybe.

It'd probably be funny...

... if I just posted random bloggy stuff here because no one will read it. I mean, it's Blogspot.  Who still uses this other than single aunts with macrame blogs? "Today, we're crafting an owl..."

It feels nostalgic, thinking about that. Before social media, the constant blog poster was tossing out stuff they would later just tweet. Sometimes that seems like it was a better idea.