LOL Starbucks: The True Meaning of Verismo

Starbucks is going to sell a $199 coffeemaker it calls "Verismo."

Which makes me laugh, because that name is a sure sign Starbucks's smug appropriation of Italian words in lieu of plain English has kind of bitten the company on the ass. Why? Because the word "verismo" has some strong connotations to Italians and anyone who knows anything about opera. On the most basic level, see, "verismo" just means "realism." Which is fine.

But read the Wikipedia breakdown of what that word connotes to opera lovers--or anyone who remembers a deep cut from their college music appreciation course:

Internationally, the term is more widely understood to refer to a style of Italian opera that began in 1890 with the first performance of Mascagni's Cavalleria rusticana, peaked in the early 1900s, and lingered into the 1920s.[2] The style is distinguished by realistic – sometimes sordid or violent – depictions of everyday life, especially the life of the contemporary lower classes.

Hey, let me put a fine point on that--in the world of opera, verismo equals "music drama about love among what passed for the trailer park set." A lot of verismo music is incredibly gorgeous. But in the end it is raw, bloody, earthy, low-class stuff. It's about people gettin' buck and fucking each other up over a lady. People get kilt, stabbed, murdered but good in verismo. Verismo opera is ballsy, loud and doesn't give a shit about your pussy sensibilities. It is in your face, as opera goes.

So, for me, a guy who trained to sing opera, owning a Starbucks "Verismo" coffee maker would have me stumbling to the machine each morning half-expecting to get stabbed by the local cart driver for shtupping his lady.

Because that's what "verismo" is about, yo. Not fucking burnt, hyper-caffeinated coffee.

An example of verismo music is below. Enjoy this gloriously overblown shit with headphones on. Try not to cry at its in your face beauty like a drunk and maudlin Italian.